The Man, the Wife, the Donkey, and Literally Everyone’s Opinion
There should be a warning label on adulthood: once you start making your own decisions, expect people to not like them.
There’s this parable my friend recently told me about a donkey, man, and woman.. And it goes something like this:
The couple are going out in town riding the donkey,
“You’re so selfish” calls the person walking past. They heed the advice and carry the donkey,
“Ridiculous. Who carries a donkey?” cries the next person. Realising their potential error, they decide to walk beside it, as equals. Beautiful, right? Except again, someone judges them,
“that’s so inefficient” they rebuke.
No matter which decision they make, the story ends the same way: disapproval. Judgement.
I think it’s fair to assume that most of us haven’t wrangled livestock through a village lately… yet still, the story holds a grain of truth for all our lives.
You know it, you’ve seen it…you’ve done it to others: whether it’s choosing how you show up to work, how often you see your family, posting online, skipping the gym, going to the gym, changing your mind, or staying just the same… people will have opinions.
Unsolicited ones. Loud ones. Contradictory ones.
We All Want to Belong
We’re wired to want approval. To seek connection. To avoid rejection. But at some point, it stops being about belonging…and starts becoming a performance.
You find yourself filtering your choices based on who might see. Shrinking your needs so they don’t make someone else uncomfortable. Over-explaining. Over-compensating. Over-apologising for simply trying.
It’s subtle, but it chips away.
And the wild part? Most of the people we’re trying to please aren’t even in the arena with us. They’re on the sidelines. Watching. Weighing in. Not carrying the load. Often offering low-level feedback that’s generally unhelpful.
Move Away from Approval
You will be judged no matter what. So you may as well do what aligns with your values.
Criticism isn’t always about you. People project. They filter your decisions through their own fears, insecurities, and experiences.
Approval is a moving target. If you build your life around avoiding judgment, you’ll never stop adjusting.
This shows up everywhere: in work meetings where you hesitate to speak up. In friendships where you play the peacekeeper. In families where your boundaries feel like betrayal. In relationships where your silence feels safer than honesty.
And in all those moments, the instinct is the same: don’t rock the boat. Keep the donkey moving. Keep everyone else comfortable.
But eventually, you look around and realise…you’re carrying something heavy for people who wouldn’t carry it for you.
The alternative isn’t easy. It’s vulnerable. It requires a kind of internal honesty that doesn’t always get applause.
But it’s worth it.
Because the truth is, people will always talk.
Whether you’re too loud or too quiet. Too ambitious or not ambitious enough. Too much or not enough. The commentary doesn’t end.
Your peace can’t come from being liked.
It has to come from being aligned.
Resist the urge to hand your life over to the crowd.
Walk beside the donkey. Ride it. Carry it, if you really want to… But make sure you’re doing it for you, not for the people yelling from the sidelines. Do what works for you and follow your beliefs.
P.S. If you are going to carry a donkey through town? At least wear something comfy. You’re carrying a donkey, after all.